I grew up going to church, being told that God loved me and seeing examples of his love through people at my church and through my family. While I knew this, it didn’t affect how I lived my life. Instead, I found my identity and worth in what others thought about me, and I strived to build up the best possible image of myself. I was driven by pride, but I was so full of insecurity, self-doubt, and self-consciousness.
In high school, I had a friend, Ashley, who invited me to Young Life. I rejected her invitations over and over again, but eventually her persistence won. I started going to a weekly Bible study and, eventually, went with this group to a camp. At this camp, the gospel was clearly laid out for me. I learned that the whole Bible, from the very beginning, tells a story of God’s love for us. I learned that before God created the earth, He knew me—everything about me—and he loved me. God loved me so much that, knowing all the ways I would sin and turn away from him, he sent down his only Son to live a perfect life, be tortured, and die—becoming the perfect sacrifice that I needed for my sin. And because God loved me so much, Jesus rose from the dead so that I might enjoy eternity with him. I was overwhelmed by the Father’s love and I surrendered my life to him.
Since surrendering my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I now have freedom from the chains of self-doubt, self-consciousness, insecurity, and pride. I know that there was nothing I did to earn God’s love, so there’s nothing I can do to lose it. I now have joy in the truth of the gospel, which will remain through any circumstance. I now have purpose that does not depend on my own ability, but on the overflowing grace of God. God has let me see miracles and watch people come to know him—a great honor that I could never deserve and yet he gives it freely. I still sin and fall short of his glory, but every time I am met with kindness from the God who loves me and leads me to repentance.